I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
