Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
we're making bets on your personal life
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
