Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
