Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
