Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
soo... how was my night?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
