Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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