Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
