exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize