so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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