I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
