I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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