i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
