I wish my penis had an off switch
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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