so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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