Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He uses pillows to masturbate.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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