He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
