I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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