You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You are a genius and a whore.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
