Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize