guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
