look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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