so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
