My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
