I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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