If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
