I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
