I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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