I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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