Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
