i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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