I wish my penis had an off switch
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
