Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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