I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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