Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
