I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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