how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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