What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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