Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
