People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
