My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
