The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
