just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
