What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
