I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
