eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
