My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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