Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
