3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
