My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
