Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Pooping to opera.
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