I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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