I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I miss vodka workout Fridays
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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