addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
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