i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize