Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
