Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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