I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
