youre lurking in front of me
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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