god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
operation have a gay friend backfired
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize