and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He did a backflip because drugs
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
