I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
