Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
