She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think pants incapable of making pants work
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
