my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
