I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
