nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
