You really coming over, don't trick.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
