I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
